


mama, life had just begun

by LightOverDarkness



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Angst, Canon, Canon Compliant, Crying, Death, F/M, Force Healing, Forgiveness, Gen, Guilt, Inner Dialogue, Kylo Ren Redemption, Lightsaber Battles, Love, No reylo, Skywalker Family Drama, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-20 08:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22181263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightOverDarkness/pseuds/LightOverDarkness
Summary: His lightsaber fell from his hands and a terrible emptiness began to tear at his heart.Mother…An overwhelming sense of forgiveness washed over him and Ben froze as a lump began to form in his throat. He would never see his mother again, but in the moment between her call and her passing, he knew he was released from any grudge and anger held against him.For the first time in a long, long while, he felt truly loved, and it hurt.
Relationships: Leia Organa & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	mama, life had just begun

**Author's Note:**

> A quick take on Ben's perspective of his mother's death and Rey's decision to save his life. I thought it was worth sharing. It definitely wasted an hour of my homework time. XD
> 
> The title is also because of the lyrics "Mama, oooh, didn't mean to make you cry/I don't want to die..." I thought it was fitting. Bohemian Rhapsody is such a fitting song for dear Ben...

What was it that had made him crush the Wayfinder with his gloved hands? Jealousy? Panic? In hindsight, it was a rather petulant gesture—I would rather destroy this precious thing than let you have it!—but not unreasonable. 

And Rey had snapped, attacking him then in anger. Their battle had been intense, hot, full of anger and sadness. She fought with bitterness and he fought with fury. The waves crashing around them mirrored the confliction inside his heart. 

For a while, he held the high ground. But as he lifted his saber to strike her down once and for all, calling upon the Force to guide his hand, that same Force shuddered violently. 

Ben felt his mother’s spirit call out to him one last time, then felt her absence as she passed.

His lightsaber fell from his hands and a terrible emptiness began to tear at his heart. 

Mother…

An overwhelming sense of forgiveness washed over him and Ben froze as a lump began to form in his throat. He would never see his mother again, but in the moment between her call and her passing, he knew he was released from any grudge and anger held against him. 

For the first time in a long, long while, he felt truly loved, and it hurt. 

It hurt ineffably more than the crimson blade Rey thrust through his torso in that moment of hesitation. Ben involuntarily jerked back and fell hard against a piece of machinery. He felt tears pour from his eyes, disguised by the crashing ocean waves; felt his body go into shock. 

So this was how it ended. He looked up into the face of his murderess and knew from the pain etched on her face that she had felt Leia’s death as well. 

In her eyes he also saw terrible regret for what she had just done to him, and he was gripped with a childlike terror at the realization that it was too late for him. 

There is no one left for me, he tried to tell her with his eyes. This is how it ends for me, and...I don’t want to go. I need to remedy the horrors I have done, but now I won’t have that chance. Is that okay? 

She wept, and she reached out and she healed him with her own life Force, and Ben wondered if this was the great secret his grandfather had coveted so deeply for the preservation and rescue of the woman he loved so many years ago.

He took a deep and shaky breath, tormented mind spinning around the fact that once again he was whole. 

Rey looked into his eyes, full of sadness but also hope, and Ben briefly considered kissing her.

“I did want to take your hand,” she spoke quietly. “Ben’s hand.”

She left him there alone upon the wreckage of the old ship, in the middle of the raging sea. And he watched her go, wracked with grief and pain, but not with anger. 

Ben pushed himself up and caught his breath as he looked up into the grey sky. It was the strangest thing, this sudden reprieve of the vicious ire he had come to accept as his own natural emotion. He could still feel his heart pounding in his chest and temples, but in this weird new state of his, it felt less like the desire to destroy and more like the desire to rest. 

To listen. 

So, for a moment, he listened to the beat of his heart and it felt like life.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this! <3


End file.
